Parenthood Transformed Interviews
Mercedes (they/them)
What does it mean to be a parent to you?
For me, being a parent is a radical act. My job is to teach my baby to be self-sufficient, and respectful to themselves and others, and to provide them with the tools to take on new challenges. It is also my job to help them develop healthy and safe attachments.
Did you imagine yourself becoming a parent?
Yes! I have wanted to be a parent since I was a child.
Does your kid(s) know what it is to be trans? If they are too young, how do you plan on telling them?
While Jupi is too young to comprehend what it means to be trans, I am consistently providing them with options in terms of gender expression. We have some soft butch days and some hard femme days and some days that are somewhere in between. My goal is to teach them to get in touch with themselves and to have the freedom to explore their identity. They are consistently surrounded by the trans community. I aim to help them identify what feels good to them.
How do you talk about gender and sex in your family?
Because we are in a bilingual household we use all forms of gender markers for Jupiter. We also encourage all forms of gender expression. I refer to myself as “mommydaddy” because I’m both- but sometimes for convenience, we shorten it to “Mama”- however I plan to continue to complicate what it means for me to be Mama and Daddy.
Quincy they/them
What does it mean to be a parent to you?
To be a parent is to have the opportunity to pour love, compassion, joy, and care into another human being, and to prop them up and give them the space and the tools to allow them to be their truest selves. To be a parent is also to be a student of our children, always remaining curious about them and learning everything we can in order to give them the best support.
Did you imagine yourself becoming a parent?
Growing up, having children was never a huge goal of mine. I did, however, actually become a mother at 17 and it shifted my whole life trajectory. It took me a really long time to come to terms with the trauma I experienced with my teen pregnancy, especially since I was also grappling with my sense of gender identity. But my experience as a parent for the last 11 years has been so profoundly expansive and has stretched my spirit in ways I could have never imagined. I’ve become more gentle and patient and willing to grow. I’m happy to have arrived at a place in my parenting journey where I fully enjoy stepping into this role as a parent. I couldn’t imagine experiencing this lifetime any other way.
Does your kid(s) know what it is to be trans? If they are too young, how do you plan on telling them?
My eldest, Charlotte and I have tons of conversations around what gender is and what it means to be trans. She was only 3 when I came to my own realization about being non-binary. So Mom using they/them pronouns was always something she knew. We’re also really lucky that we had the awesome experience of being in a community with tons of trans parents and kids. Trans-ness has always been a part of her childhood and her life. My little ones, Kenzo and Sojourner, have also been in community with other trans folks, and I really try to be intentional about not subscribing them to any gender expectations. To them, trans identity just… is. It’s not a spectacle or an unknown thing. They’ve been around wonderful trans parents and caregivers. I hope that, as they get older, my kids know that they have the freedom to explore their own gender identity and that they will be loved and supported by not just myself, but a broader community.
How do you talk about gender and sex in your family?
My kids and I talk about gender frequently. It’s actually been really fun with Kenzo, because he’s starting to notice gender expression and realize that he has options in the way he can present and identify. Some days he wants to be a “boy” and other days he wants to be a “girl”. Some days, he chooses to be both or “nothing”! I just choose to have an open space where all questions are happily answered and no topic is off the table.
Vo they/them
What does it mean to be a parent to you?
To love unconditionally, to pass on humility, kindness, accountability to each other, and our responsibility to the Earth/land/universe.
Did you imagine yourself becoming a parent?
No, then 'perhaps' but with fear, and now yes, with care and trepidation.
Does your kid(s) know what it is to be trans? If they are too young, how do you plan on telling them?
They're still a wee one, but they will determine who they want to be, and who we their parents are in relation to them. There is also no rush to identify, classify or categorize themselves or others; and these things will always be fluid. In general, here's hoping that their generation will surpass binary thinking and the confines of things and choices being strictly either masc or femme. In the meantime, even if it’s difficult to navigate, weird to address, confusing to fathom, or complicated to other people, we'll figure out each conversation as we get to it.
How do you talk about gender and sex in your family?
Openly, and directly. Gender, sex, sexuality, intimacy, and relationships are defined by and layered with meaning by those parties involved, not (judged by) others. While all bodies are beautiful, gender is not to be bio-essentialized, ever. Our family recognizes its connectedness with our collective, community, and chosen Unties, Unkies, Aunties, cousins, comrades, and elders, and aspires to not isolate in heteronormativity, monogamy, or suburban individualism. These are our goals and we will work on them forever, always imperfect.
